Why Abuse Treatment Matters to Me

"I thought tragedy was not for me,
something you see on the evening news.
But when it was my reality
man I changed my point of view"

These are the words that I wrote almost 4 years ago when my life was drastically changed. I was thrown a "curve ball" that not I, my mother, or any of my family saw coming.

I can still remember waking up on that Friday morning on August 20th, 2004. I was a new man, fresh out of high school with my whole life ahead of me. I was 18 at the time. When I came out of my room, I could tell something was wrong. My dad and my grandparents were all there waiting for me in the living room. The mood was somber.

"David honey, we need to tell you something," I remember my grandmother telling me. "Last night, there was a fire at your mom's house, and Nicole didn't make it out."

Shock was all that I could feel. Betrayal and anger followed when we learned that it was now a homicide investigation. She did not die from smoke inhalation.

It was more like a surreal dream from that point forward. Nicole was my 14 year old sister. She was very outgoing, had tons of friends, and loved me very much. She looked up to me so much as her older brother. I would send her CDs of my music, which she would show all her friends and brag about me. She was VERY upset with me after I left her and my mom to live with my dad down in Florida. She felt like I had abandoned her. At her funeral, I wrote and sang a song called "Number One Fan".

After I wrote the song, my mom gave me a poem that my sister wrote and submitted to a radio station contest. The premise of the contest was that the winner would get a limo ride to school on the first day of the year accompanied by the DJs of the morning show at the station. Here is the poem that she wrote:

I look out the window and listen to his voice
He says write a poem and he could be your one and only choice
He'll go with you and stand by your side.
And be your friend even if your shy.
I pray in my mind that he will pick me.
So on the first day I won't be lonely
Even though it is just for one day,
In my heart, I'll feel like I have a friend who's with me everyday
It only takes one time for a person to think, wow people can be kind.
After so much pain and so much hurt, You wish someone was there
watching out for you and always alert.
I wouldn't be doing this if my brother were here,
Telling me I'll be ok and make it through another year.
I really wish he wouldn't have left,
That he could be here to see me take my first big step.
So I write a poem wondering what it would be like,
To have someone who cares to help you through your fear and fright
I know I should be brave and think happy thoughts
But the thought of growing up makes me really distraught
The thought of high school makes me fight back the tears
Because when my brother left it was also his freshman year
So when I heard about this on U93
I just had to write a poem and just hope It'd be me
Otis and the crew probably don't notice the little things they do,
but to tell you the truth they always put me in a better mood
So now I'll just wait and hope it's not too late
To be able to have the feeling that someone like your brother is there to make you feel happy and safe.

She never knew it, but she won the contest. The host of the morning show, Otis, read this poem for us at the funeral, right after I sang my song. This is when I lost it. Utter despair, loss, betrayal, and a fluid rush of hundreds of indescribable emotions are what fell over me that day.

As stated earlier, I later found out that it was not the fire that caused her death. She had been strangled. The fire was set to cover up the crime. My mother's live-in boyfriend was held for questioning and was later charged with homicide and arson. Nobody had suspected that he would be capable of such a thing, but he didn't exactly have the cleanest record either. Looking back, there is no way that the situation could have been avoided. There were no warning signs or signals that lead anyone to believe there was abuse happening because there weren't any. It was a spur of the moment decision. We found out some very gruesome details in the homicide trial months later that I don't want to accurately describe to you because of their disturbing nature. We think Nicole was sexually assaulted, the evidence led to that.

The week of the trial was one of the hardest weeks I have ever had to live through. I have since had a lot of counseling and therapy, and what was once a flame of anger, despair, and depression is now one of compassion. The reason I care so much about the prevention of abuse in families is because Nicole never got a chance. Someone once said, "If you saw someone running out in the street and you knew they were going to get hit by a bus, you would have to really hate that person to just do nothing". Nobody knew what was going to happen to Nicole on that horrible August night, but there are women, children, and even men that are abused on a regular basis by people that lack the ability of self control. They still have a fighting chance for a quality of life that is not filled with fear, doubt, and depression.

Here in Southwest Florida, there is an organization that reaches out to abused people by offering them shelter and counseling. There is a 24 hour hotline that you can call if you or someone you know is the victim of abuse. They not only help the abused, but they try to work with and help with the abusers. Here is the mission statement for ACT, directly from their website, http://www.actabuse.com

Mission Statement:

ACT's mission is to protect, support, and educate victims of domestic violence and their children and survivors of sexual assault in Lee, Hendry, and Glades Counties.

The agency provides the following services to realize its mission: emergency protective shelter, a 24-hour crisis hotline, one-on-one counseling, advocacy, support groups, transitional housing, batterer's intervention groups, community education and awareness, and information and referrals to those seeking assistance in other matters.

ACT endeavors to work hand-in-hand with law enforcement, mental health services, medical professionals, and the judicial system in providing assistance and education to victims of domestic abuse and sexual assault.

My band, Kurveball, will be playing a benefit show at a fundraiser for ACT on June 26th, 2009 from 6-8PM at Edison College in Fort Myers. The Arts for ACT Gallery hosts an auction every year to raise money for the operating costs of the organization. This is a preview reception in the Library at Edison State College which will allow people to see the works that will be auctioned away. More info on Kurveball at http://www.kurveballband.com